“It’s human nature to want to bind ourselves to the parts of life we hold dear whether those parts are actual people, events, items, or dreams. We want to fasten them to us so they’re safe and near us forever. But this type of binding frays and tears until, even when we fight the awareness, we’re forced to see how illusory the reliance on permanence is. What we have, in all its glory, to hug and hold, to caress and learn, to feel and grow, is simply right here and right now.”
—Michele Harper, MD
The Beauty In The Breaking
It is life’s moments I want to talk about today.
I’ve been reminded recently how important it is to spend as much time in the Now moment as I can. My 93-year-old mama has been living with us for the past two and a half years. She’s strong, healthy, capable of caring for herself, and a joy to be around. Over the past few months, however, her memory has changed dramatically.
A few weeks ago, we had a necessary discussion due to an incident that made it clear her memory was getting worse. As we sat at an outdoor café sipping our café mochas (a favorite treat of hers), we cried together, and talked honestly about what was happening and what it meant for both of us. I assured her that I was one hundred percent willing and happy to be her memory for her. And I validated how hard it must be for her to lose control over her brain and body.
Side note: My mom declared only recently that she is just now starting to feel like an old woman! May we all be so lucky to get to 93 and only then start feeling old!
Just a few days after our talk, she told me she had fully accepted what was happening with her brain. She said she was done feeling angry with herself for what she can’t control. She completely and truly let go, and went back to being her joyful and very present self.
One night last week while cleaning up after dinner, we listened to a voicemail she had received from someone in her life whom she can no longer remember. I thought she’d be upset, but she was completely fine about it.
She said, “I live so much in the moment now that I’m okay not remembering people. I’m sure I’ll remember her if I see her face, and I’ll probably forget her as soon as she walks out the door. Isn’t being in the now moment what we’ve all been striving to do anyway? I’m there!”
She said, “I live so much in the moment now that I’m okay not remembering people. I’m sure I’ll remember her if I see her face, and I’ll probably forget her as soon as she walks out the door. Isn’t being in the now moment what we’ve all ben striving to do anyway? I’m there!”
What a wakeup call for me! I have been struggling with her memory loss, but she’s able to fully accept it. The incident that happened had me flying off into the future, wondering what will happen when… if… all of the things I worry about in terms of caring for her that are future-based. In these “what if” moments, I’m usually able to recognize my fear taking over and reel myself back in to the present, and trust that I’ll be able to handle things if I take them one at a time. But, hearing my mom acknowledge out loud that she’s mastered the art of living fully in the present, was a sweet reminder of what’s important.
It’s such a simple truth—living in the now moment is all we have. Yet, it is so hard to accomplish.
It is my goal to spend as many moments as I can being right here, right now. And to forgive myself when I forget.
I leave you with a tool for staying present that my mom taught me many years ago: When something is happening in your life that feels good, say out loud, “This is a good moment!” Let these words soak into every one of your trillions and trillions of cells. As the good moments of your life accumulate, hopefully they will become the memories you hold onto when you are 93 and just beginning to feel old!
For more help with turning towards yourself with kindness, check out my TEDx talk—Embracing Your Critical Voice: The Gateway to Self-Love. For a taste of what The Body Positive offers through our Fundamentals course, download this free self-love meditation.
I wish you love and many beautiful moments.
Connie