Every year, when I turn my December calendar to January, I feel a sense of hope.
In years gone by, my personal hopes were about things like believing that with just a bit more self-discipline I could become a more organized person, or that I’d be less distracted by shiny objects and have laser focus on what I was supposed to be doing to make me more “successful.” My hopes for the world and its inhabitants were also over-the-top idealistic.
After 61 years on the planet, I no longer cling to hopes that have very little likelihood of happening.
I’m at peace now with knowing I’ll always be me—excited about new projects before finishing the one (or more likely, the ones!) I’m currently working on, and forever having organizational systems that include serious amounts of chaos. And I’m more aware now of my sphere of influence, so even though I feel pain about the state of the world on a regular basis, I have learned, as the serenity prayer says, “to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can.” I think I’m finally—mostly— able to tell the difference.
By accepting who I am and being kind to myself when things are difficult due to my particular personality traits and behaviors, I am actually more productive and efficient. I know how to work with myself, rather than waste energy fighting against myself. This mindset allows me to spend more time doing things that actually make positive changes in my life and in the world.
And I still believe in hope. In fact, I love hope!
I do not, however, like this Merriam Webster definition I found:
hope, noun, to want something to happen or be true and think that it
could happen or be true
It’s a definition that sets up expectation, and I find nothing to be more deflating than having an expectation that goes unmet. It’s what I used to believe hope was, and why I often felt a sense of disappointment.
But don’t give up on hope just yet!
I am currently reading a wonderful book that a friend recommended to me after a conversation we had about aging, caregiving, and death. The book is called, The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, by Frank Ostaseski.
Frank writes about hope in the most beautiful way. In discussing how it fits into the lives of people who are terminally ill, he says that hope can often be an expression of fear. But he also says it shouldn’t be tossed aside, but rather that we need to “rework our understanding and application of hope.”
He continues…
“Mature hope requires both a clear intention and a simultaneous letting go. This hope is not dependent upon outcome. In fact, hope is tied to uncertainty because we never know what is going to happen next. The hope is in the potential for our awakened response, not in things turning out a particular way. It is an orientation of the heart, grounded in value and trust in our basic human goodness, not in what we might achieve.”
I find Frank’s definition of mature hope incredibly powerful. The idea of letting go while also setting a clear intention is a beautiful way to orient our lives. It allows me to let go of trying to control all that might happen in my life, and instead set my intention on what I feel I need or want, and then trust that I will stay connected to my heart and respond to whatever stimuli are present from a grounded perspective whenever possible. I also honor that I’m still human and will lose my shit and make "mistakes" often, so forgiveness and humor are my cherished friends!
The more I'm able to stay with mature hope, the more I can trust my internal, soulful wisdom to handle whatever life dishes out. It creates space for things not to turn out how I expect them to, but simply how they do. It’s what my mom calls the isness of life.
As the new year gets under way, are you holding on to hope that you’ll change yourself in some fundamental way? Are you setting yourself up with personal expectations that could lead to feeling disappointed? Do you have hopes that are related to fears you may be holding onto?
If so, what do you think about setting a clear intention instead, and letting go of all expectations of it happening?
And then, focus on trusting in your heart, your basic human goodness, and your values to guide the way as life throws its life stuff at you. Let mature hope to be your guide.
I know for a fact that I need this type of hope now more than ever to get through these trying times with more peace and equanimity. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so hit reply if you're interested in sharing with me. Having dialogue with people I like about topics that interest me is one of my favorite things to do :).
And stay tuned for information coming soon about my Wise Woman Council2022!
Happy New Year!